The Core of Me

I recently treated myself to a set of Russian Matroyshka dolls. I had wanted a set of these for some time and had implanted the idea in my unconscious wish list.

Whilst trawling through my inbox I opened a blog post by Sharon Lippincott on her blog The Heart and Craft of Life Writing and to my surprise there was an image of a set of Matroyshka dolls, very similar to the set I had just purchased. Don’t you love it when synchronicity strikes?

Whilst reading through her post an idea came to me of how I would use my dolls. I was scheduled to give a talk at a mental health organization and the dolls could provide a perfect visual learning aid, along with a great metaphor about valuing and protecting our core self.  I could also use them to illustrate the relationship between coach and coachee.

My set of Matroyshka consists of five smaller dolls each nested one within the other. As you unpack each doll you get to the smallest doll encased in the centre. In the world of psychology and therapy many names are given to this core self. It’s often referred to as the essential self, sacred self or private self.

I view this core self as the self that describes who we truly are. It’s the very essence of our true selves without the flaws. It’s the self that flourishes with strengths and ideas.

Each doll represents a different layer of our personalities, layers which often take us away from that core self. We often cover over this core self with several layers in a response to the many experiences life throws at us. The layers are designed as a safe form of protection but they can take us away from who we truly are. It is so well protected we forget the qualities and the strengths that make us who we are at the core.

In the case of coaching it is through the modeling of exquisite listening, unconditional positive regard and wise, not clever questions that coaches can assist individuals to peel away the layers and begin to take ownership of this core self.

There are many benefits to the organizations we work in, the professions we serve and the relationships we engage in by making this connection. From the place of this core self we are able to flourish, make better decisions, engage in different quality conversations, be grounded and centered in the middle of chaos and storms. It is this self which is more productive, not in a fast and frenzied way, but from the place of flow and knowing that who you are is enough.

In a recent coaching conversation with a Head of Department, she revealed that since actively pursuing a more consciously motivated solutions focused approach, her staff had commented on the different quality of conversations that were taking place between them. She had found that through creating the right environment, her team were allowing themselves to reveal glimpses of this core self which enabled them to activate better solutions and address real concerns in creative and meaningful ways.

This core self never leaves us. It is always there waiting to be connected with and there are many ways in which we can make those connections. You could try creating conscious rituals and practices that take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. You might coax this core self out of hiding by keeping a journal, going for a run, a swim or by getting out into nature.

Other ways might include posing questions to the self that catch us off guard: What excites me? What am I most passionate about? What did I love doing as a child? If money was not an issue, how would I choose to live my life? If I had a six month sabbatical what would my itinerary include?

By the nature of our genuine presence, our ability to listen and compassionately challenge, Coaches can bear witness to the re-emergence of the core self. We can be catalysts for courageous and creative conversations that support, facilitate or simply provide the spaces for those on the voyage to getting back to you.