Who Are The Root or Rocket People In Your Life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following excerpt (sent to me by one of my former coaching clients Paulina Richards) by Tyler Perry, uses the metaphors of trees to describe the quality of friendships. I found it really helpful as in the last few years I have found that many of my close friendships have fallen by the wayside or have not been what I or the other person expected. It’s been helpful but not always easy to evaluate the role and contribution I have played in all of this.

Reviewing my history of friendships over the years has helped me gain insight and understanding into my own personal journey with friendship. Just today I wrote a piece about my first day at infant school. We had just moved house so I joined a week or two after term had started and was immediately cast into the role of the outsider. I was the newcomer who spent a lot of time on the sidelines feeling alone before I was gradually accepted. But I don’t think I really ever let go of that experience which included being bullied.

When it came to college I had a really close friend who was like a sister and one day, that was it, no announcement, no upset but it was clear the friendship was over. Perry’s analogy places her in the Branch category. See what you think.

Tyler Perry’s Friendship Tree Test ………..

I have this tree analogy when I think of people in my life, be it friends, family, acquaintances, employees, co-workers, whomever…They are all placed inside what I call my tree test. It goes like this:

LEAF PEOPLE

Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can’t depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can’t be angry with them, it’s just who they are.

BRANCH PEOPLE

There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it’s possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it’s tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can’t handle too much weight. But again, you can’t be mad with them, it’s just who they are.

ROOT PEOPLE

If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don’t let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.

Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? What are you in other people’s lives?

I found it a helpful model for making an inventory of friendships. It is similar to a model I was introduced to some years ago by US Life Coach Laura Berman Fortgang. She introduces these three levels for evaluating your friendships:

• Rocket friendships are the kinds of friends who fire your up whenever you are around or in contact with them.
• Floaters are friends who are more neutralised. It’s easy to be with them but it is not that engaging or energising. They’re dependable, but there’s not a lot of challenge. There maybe a lack of depth and real connection missing from these relationships.
• Sinkers are the kinds of friendships where you realize that your energy is drained or decreased when you’re around or with these friends.

One of the ways you can really stretch yourself with your friendship evaluation is to as well as taking an inventory of your friends take an inventory on how you imagine your friends see you in any of the above roles.

• What friends experience you as the sinker/leaf people?
• What can you do to change or sift this relationship?
• Is it time to let it go?
• What friendships are your rocket or root friendships?
• With who are you the floater/branch people? What would move this friendship into a rocket or root relationship?
• What friendships is it time to let go of?
• Who are potential rocket or root people who you might have overlooked in your life?